Hay's on the River

Gorgeous Atmosphere, Stellar Riverfront Experience

Ah, Hays On the River—where the skyline views play a harmonious sunset symphony, while the muddled whispers of cocktail misfires complete the ensemble. One finds this charming gem gently perched alongside the Thames, its allure heightened by playful, seasonally-adjusted decorations that dance flamboyantly around the outdoors heating lamps. One could almost believe these trappings hold warm conversations with visitors lucky enough to find Ella and Will on shift, whose service is said to be as golden as the hour that often embellishes the picturesque river. It is a sanctuary where mojitos mock their Cuban ancestry, discounting the existence of fizz or spirited essence altogether, only to say with a grin, “you knew what you were in for.”

Nonetheless, who needs authenticity when you’ve churros described with gusto and pizzas as voluminous as a Shakespearean drama? It’s a reality juggling act: on one hand, treasures in shredded mozzarella cascades; on the other, raclette darkened beyond even the Stygian shade of forgettable cul-de-sacs. Not unlike an assaulted laptop, your monetary contributions may stealthily tip-toe into the ether of short-measured beverages and swift service charges. Yet, despite an unrepentant cabal of miserly bartenders and eternal pondering over “abusive pricing,” the establishment astonishes many—a place deserving infinite second chances simply for acts like Laurie’s admonishing kindness on a bleak day. Hays On the River is a paradox— a questionable dining romance you just might want to keep alive for all heartbeats sight and sense can muster. — Penelope Savory